There’s this unspoken rule on social media: if we’ve met once, or we went to school / college together, or we know the same 3 people, we should follow each other. Like it’s the acceptable, polite thing to do. A norm. Something everyone does.
But what if we didn’t?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about this idea a bit, a way to construct a kind of personal litmus test for who exists in my online space. It’s pretty simple. Ready? Here it is:
If you were visiting their city, would you actually want to meet up with them?
If yes, follow. If no, maybe don’t?
Because, what are we really doing when we follow hundreds or thousands of people we wouldn’t even text, let alone spend time with? It feels like we’re all just characters in each other’s feeds – waving, liking, scrolling past people we barely know anymore (if we ever did). It’s not toxic, necessarily. It’s just…idk, hollow?
I personally don’t think this is about being overly private or mysterious or curating some sort of “elites only” circle. Truly not. I feel like it’s more about being intentional and questioning whether your social media “friends” are actually your real friends. Your feed is kinda like your mental front porch – do you really want people hanging out there 24/7?
Also, I think there’s something energizing about coming up with your own philosophies for how to use these tools. Like, how do you want to relate to this thing that takes up so much headspace and time (cmon, I know you’re notching up 3-4 hours on IG). Having your own code – even if it’s soft, flexible, and just for you – feels like a quiet rebellion in a world where we’re all kind of expected to play the same game.
Some people use the “Would I call them if something big happened?” test. Others ask, “Would I notice if they left Instagram?” All of these are valid ways to gut-check who actually matters in your digital world. And honestly, there’s no right answer.
This isn’t a manifesto. It’s not “cut everyone off and disappear.” It’s just a reminder that your social media doesn’t have to be a crowded room full of polite nods and unfamiliarly familiar faces. It can just be a small dinner party. Or a road trip crew. Or even just you, posting what you want, following who you vibe with, and opting out of the silent obligation to keep everyone around.
Just my thoughts, though. Your profile, your rules.
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